GRACE TRUTH & TIME

As much as we anticipate the Holidays, let's face it - they can be less than Norman Rockwell perfect - especially when those events include a (fill in the blank) (difficult person) . Here are three small words that can help us during the Holidays or any time in any relationship. Grace, Truth & Time

Grace … at its core Grace extends Forgiveness.

It for the Past and takes only one…YOU.  In reality it is for you.  Not the other person.  They may never know that you have forgiven them.  In choosing to forgive, we free ourselves from “carrying them around” with us as baggage.  We allow God to be the judge and work in their lives.  It mirrors God’s grace, His unconditional love,  in forgiving us long before we even knew him.  Amazing Grace - when freely given sets us free! Free from the need to be justified, vindicated, validated, compensated. Forgiveness is giving up the need to be right.

Grace is not having to have things my way.

Truth … relates to Reconciliation. It is for the Present. It involves both parties.

You and I have heard our share of sermons exhorting us to “Speak the truth in love.” (Eph. 4:15) Good Luck! When I attempted that things blew up in my face. Even when I was attempting to speak honestly about what I believed happened. (Can you relate?) So what's the problem? Our perspective is not "THE TRUTH." The other party sees and feels things differently.

Speaking the truth to one another is: When I am honest enough to talk about what is really happening inside of me, about the impact that event / situation had on me; saying how I felt, describing what was going on inside me at the moment. As we look deeper into what is really going on inside of us we may realize that so much of our verbal response is shaped by 1) how we think the other person will react and by 2) avoiding our own fears and anxieties.

Speaking the truth in love means letting the other person know how important this relationship is to me. That it is so important I will risk being myself, being vulnerable, being teachable. It means letting the other person know what I want in (from) the relationship. Or don't want - the limits you need to set on the relationship.

So, speaking the truth in love has two parts. First, it is my responsibility to be transparent about myself. Second, the "in love" part means valuing the relationship, giving the other person a safe space to respond. In the context Paul is challenging the Ephesians to grow up in Christ! Children blame others rather than taking responsibility. Mature adults can own their issues. They are safe to be around. That's growing up in Him.

Grace and Truth together invite us out of isolation and into relationship.  The true me, as I really am, warts and all, in invited into relationship.

Time … relates to Trust, it is for the Future, and it is earned.

Trust does not happen in an instant. We learn to trust our Heavenly Father over time as he proves himself faithful over and over again. If we rush trust by demanding to be trusted, or placing our trust in someone else too quickly, we miss a step…….and growth without time is guaranteed failure. Henry Cloud affirms, "God accepts us fully, knowing that we will need time and experience to work out our imperfections.  Our failures do not surprise him.  If they surprise us, it is only because we have too high an opinion of ourselves.  We have a standing in grace that gives us freedom to achieve truth over time." (Changes That Heal, Dr. Henry Cloud, pp. 41,42)

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