GRACE TRUTH & TIME

As much as we anticipate the Holidays, let's face it - they can be less than Norman Rockwell perfect - especially when those events include a (fill in the blank) (difficult person) . Here are three small words that can help us during the Holidays or any time in any relationship. Grace, Truth & Time

Grace … at its core Grace extends Forgiveness.

It for the Past and takes only one…YOU.  In reality it is for you.  Not the other person.  They may never know that you have forgiven them.  In choosing to forgive, we free ourselves from “carrying them around” with us as baggage.  We allow God to be the judge and work in their lives.  It mirrors God’s grace, His unconditional love,  in forgiving us long before we even knew him.  Amazing Grace - when freely given sets us free! Free from the need to be justified, vindicated, validated, compensated. Forgiveness is giving up the need to be right.

Grace is not having to have things my way.

Truth … relates to Reconciliation. It is for the Present. It involves both parties.

You and I have heard our share of sermons exhorting us to “Speak the truth in love.” (Eph. 4:15) Good Luck! When I attempted that things blew up in my face. Even when I was attempting to speak honestly about what I believed happened. (Can you relate?) So what's the problem? Our perspective is not "THE TRUTH." The other party sees and feels things differently.

Speaking the truth to one another is: When I am honest enough to talk about what is really happening inside of me, about the impact that event / situation had on me; saying how I felt, describing what was going on inside me at the moment. As we look deeper into what is really going on inside of us we may realize that so much of our verbal response is shaped by 1) how we think the other person will react and by 2) avoiding our own fears and anxieties.

Speaking the truth in love means letting the other person know how important this relationship is to me. That it is so important I will risk being myself, being vulnerable, being teachable. It means letting the other person know what I want in (from) the relationship. Or don't want - the limits you need to set on the relationship.

So, speaking the truth in love has two parts. First, it is my responsibility to be transparent about myself. Second, the "in love" part means valuing the relationship, giving the other person a safe space to respond. In the context Paul is challenging the Ephesians to grow up in Christ! Children blame others rather than taking responsibility. Mature adults can own their issues. They are safe to be around. That's growing up in Him.

Grace and Truth together invite us out of isolation and into relationship.  The true me, as I really am, warts and all, in invited into relationship.

Time … relates to Trust, it is for the Future, and it is earned.

Trust does not happen in an instant. We learn to trust our Heavenly Father over time as he proves himself faithful over and over again. If we rush trust by demanding to be trusted, or placing our trust in someone else too quickly, we miss a step…….and growth without time is guaranteed failure. Henry Cloud affirms, "God accepts us fully, knowing that we will need time and experience to work out our imperfections.  Our failures do not surprise him.  If they surprise us, it is only because we have too high an opinion of ourselves.  We have a standing in grace that gives us freedom to achieve truth over time." (Changes That Heal, Dr. Henry Cloud, pp. 41,42)

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Seven Stanzas at Easter - John Updike

Make no mistake. If He rose at all
it was as His body;
if the cells' dissolution did not reverse, the molecules
       reknit, the amino acids rekindle,
the Church will fall.


It was not as the flowers,
each soft Spring recurrent;
it was not as His Spirit in the mouths and fuddled
     eyes of the eleven apostles;
it was as His Flesh: ours.


The same hinged thumbs and toes,
the same valved heart
that --- pierced --- died, withered, paused, and then
     regathered out of enduring Might
new strength to enclose.


Let us not mock God with metaphor,
analogy, sidestepping transcendence;
making of the event a parable, a sign painted in the 
     faded credulity of earlier ages:
let us walk through the door.


The stone is rolled back, not papier-mache,
not a stone in a story,
but the vast rock of materiality that in the slow
     grinding of time will eclipse for each of us
the wide light of day.


And if we will have an angel at the tomb,
make it a real angel,
weighty with Max Planck's quanta, vivid with hair,
     opaque in the dawn light, robed in real linen
spun on a definite loom.


Let us not seek to make it less monstrous,
for our own convenience, our own sense of beauty,
lest, awakened in one unthinkable hour, we are
     embarrassed by the miracle,
and crushed by remonstrance.


http://www.edow.org/spirituality/updike.html

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the din undoes us

Our lives are occupied territory...
occupied by a cacophony of voices,
and the din undoes us.
In the daytime we have no time to listen,
        beset as we are by the anxiety and goals
        and assignments and work,
        and in the night the voices are so confusing
        we can hardly sort out what could possibly     
                be your voice
        from the voice of our mothers and our fathers
        and our best friends and our pet projects,
        because they all sound so much like you.

We are people over whom that word shema has
    been written.
We are listeners, but we do not listen well.
So we bid you, by the time the sun goes down today
        or by the time the sun comes up tomorrow,
        by night or by day,
        that you will speak in ways that we can hear
        out beyond ourselves.

It is your speech to us that carries us where we have
    never been,
and it is your speech to us that is our only hope.
So give us ears. Amen.
 

Prayers by Walter Brueggemann,
from the book "Awed to Heaven, Rooted in Earth"

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It's So Much More Friendly With Two! - A.A. Milne

This week is the birthday of several dear friends. One of them was named Donna. When I think of this friend, I think of words like sweet, sunny, dimples, thoughtful, fun, laughter, courage, tenderhearted, competitive, beloved.

Donna would have been 61this week. I say “would have been” because her life was cut short just before her 20^th birthday. She was born with a lung disorder later identified as Cystic Fibrosis. It is a cruel disease. It limited her severely. She wasn’t able to play outside with us other kids as long as she would have liked. She loved to laugh, but often had that cut short by violent bursts of coughing due to her lung congestion. I always hated it when that happened!

We loved to play games together and got very competitive. I hated to lose; so did she!  We both loved words, and depending on who was the “teacher” when we played school, we would give the “student” a challenging spelling test. Words can be weapons, too, and we had our share of “word fights…….” Each trying to get in the “last word.” One time, she actually bit me in an effort to shut me down and win!

I cannot think of a person who was Donna’s enemy. She handled her disease with grace and poise, sewing her own clothes that would best fit her awkward body build. It was very common back in the 1950’s for children with CF to look malnourished, with thin legs and arms and a distended tummy. She measured just 4’10”. But for me, I remember her bright eyes, dimples, cheery smile, and alert mind. They always became the focus when we were together.  

So this week I honor the memory of a “little person” who made me feel alive and more appreciative of every day of my own life. She had a deep, abiding faith in God and His goodness.  She did not fight that He had allowed her to be born with CF. She was always more concerned about the others around her who suffered because they loved her so much.

It would have been a joy and privilege to have shared the rest of life here on earth with Donna.  She would have been one of my “safe” people. Perhaps you would have known her and been blessed by who she was, too.

She was my "little" sister.

Donna Ruth Miller   

March 27, 1951-December 1, 1970

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Got Grace?

Where and how have you known Grace in a relationship?

We believe we're generous in extolling God's Grace. I've never met a Christian who wasn't in favor of it (though some might aver there's too much of it floating around).  Still, too many have been deeply wounded by those who use the language of grace.

If someone were to be gracious to you what would you experience?

This much I know, Grace does not excuse or overlook bad behavior, poor choices...sin. At the same time, Grace does not shame, blame, judge or condemn. It does not control. How is that possible?

Grace refrained from telling me what I should do or condemning me for what I didn't do. Rather it shed light on what I could do and who I could become. Grace looked at my need rather than focusing on my failure. It did not minimize my hurt. Grace offered a safe place to bring into the light what was really happening inside me - what I was really feeling, experiencing - things that under condemnation, or because of shame I could not admit before. When those things came to light Grace helped me find a new path, a new way of thinking, to hear new messages of life and hope.

Grace valued me. My needs. It helped me uncover the root causes - wounds, habits, messages and imprints that shaped my behavior. Grace acknowledged my desires, my longings. It granted a safe place to recover and heal. Grace waited patiently. Gave me Time to uncover and discover what was really going on inside. Grace expressed empathy, leveled the playing field, shared hope and helped me live in reality. People through whom and with whom I experience grace frequently share insights from their own growth process that gave me hope and direction.

What is Grace?

Grace is resisting the impulse to fix someone (control), to know what is best for them (judgment & condemnation). Grace validates another's worth by valuing their needs, providing a safe place to reveal what is hidden, and the time to develop new habits, thinking and feelings.

There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus ... 

For what the Law could not do ... God did sending His own Son... 

Romans 8:1, 3ff.

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SOPHIA'S CHOICE*

Sophia, eleven years old, is trying out for the school volleyball team. Her friend is a more aggressive, solid player. Sophia says she's "wobbly." Sometimes when the ball comes to  her she doesn't know what to do. She wants to play well and not embarrass herself.

I've forgotten what 11 years old feels like, but I want to play well and not embarrass myself. I can relate to that.

Sophia's Aunt MaryAnn understood too. "Sophia, each of us has special qualities that God was excited about when he made us. Still, we often spend our lives trying to be like someone else rather than exploring the cool things that make us us!"

"You know," said Sophia, "I like to think about things in little pictures or stories so I can understand them. I feel like we are kind of like these cookies - maybe sugar cookies or something...and we all have neat little things on our backs, like maybe chocolate chips or something. We can only see the cool things on the other cookies backs because, you know, you can't see what's on your own back. You just think you're this plain cookie when you really have cool stuff on your back too that the other cookies can see but you can't sometimes!"

"You're so right!" laughed MaryAnn, "You were seeing the 'little-bit-burnt' side of yourself!"

How are you seeing yourself today?

What values are you living out?

Unless you become as little children you cannot enter the kingdom of God - Jesus

* Sophia's story used by permission

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The Importance of 1974

1974

• Stamps cost 10 cents each, but...
• Median Household Income was only $11,197 (in current dollars)
• Miami beat Minnesota 24 - 7 in the Super Bowl
• The Sting got the Academy Award for Best Picture (we saw it 4 times)
• Richard M. Nixon became the first US president to resign from office August 8th
• Charles Kowal discovered Leda, the 13^th satellite of Jupiter on September 14, the same day that...
• Jane and Ted were married

Today, I (Jane) am taking inventory:  When my life is ideal, I am…………….

• married to the same man    
• the mother of the same three kids
• grown up - my chronological and emotional ages match
• honest with myself and others
• connected to family and friends, no matter the distance
• willing to admit when I am wrong
• free of "shoulds"
• confident in who God made me to be
• thankful that we have worked hard on our marriage in the past decade and a half
• savoring rich memories
• friends with my adult children
• accepting that life is not perfect, nor does it have to be
• able to laugh at myself
• content

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