GO HAWKS!

Even if you're not a big football fan, here in Seattle we're pretty pumped! The Hawks are 4-0 on the season. A franchise first. A come-from-behind thriller last week narrowly averted a city-wide epidemic of heart attacks by Seahawks fans.

OK, we're all excited, but really - does football matter? To one family it's been lifechanging. Here, by permission, is a letter we received this past week from a client:

What if you are a kid so anxious you can’t talk to people?

What if you are a kid so anxious you can’t look people in the eye?

What if on some days, you are so anxious that you cannot even be around other

people? How will you communicate and develop friendships or find community?

Perhaps God would give you a good counselor or kind parents or a nice big sister? Perhaps God would intervene through medication? Maybe your parents would force you to join the speech club at school or role-play with you night after night: “Here is how you greet someone.” or, “Let’s practice looking into my eyes; I will time you.” We tried most of the above to help our son, but (of course) the Lord had a better way.

Our son went out for the High School football team. He had never played football. He is in the 11th grade.

It wasn’t just any football team. It was a team with a kind, perceptive, encouraging coach. Sort of a coach/psychologist, although in real life he is the owner of a construction company. A coach who, when my son wanted to quit after the third day of practice, didn’t argue with him, but instead, timed his 40 yard run, and proved to him that he was fast. A coach who endured him getting discouraged day after day. Additionally, this special team was staffed by coaches who had an extra measure of patience and the ability to stop what they were doing to go over to my son and explain what he was doing wrong and to watch him carefully and see when he did something right so they could praise him.

It was a team with kids who could look past their own lives and see someone else. These kids became his teammates and provided him with a new identity. They gave a hand-up when he ended up on the ground after a play. They taught him the special “fist-bump-football hand-shake” while he stood watching on the sidelines. They tackled him and blocked him and shared Gatorade bottles with him. And, when my son finally played in his first game and missed his block, which resulted in the sacking of our quarterback, one kid took a knee beside him on the sidelines, put his arm around him and consoled him.

Consoled him.

We need someone to come alongside of us, put their arm around us and console us when we fall short or mess up. We yearn for real connection. We have fears that limit us and prevent us from reaching our potential. Jesus works through His people. He is called the consolation of Israel. He is the balm of Gilead. He wants to use you and me to comfort the broken-hearted and to put the solitary into families.

Football forces you to touch. Touch teaches you to look. Looking leads to connection. Connection leads to community.

Whose life will you touch today?

"Not by might, nor by power but by My Spirit, says the Lord of hosts." Zechariah 4:6

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I Pledge Allegiance -aka- The Importance of Being Second

When's the last time you spoke the word 'allegiance?' Most of us don't even salute the flag very often any more. Allegiance? To what? To whom? Police? Priests? Presidents? Parents?
 
Police brutality, sexual misconduct among church leaders, government control, absentee helicopter parents, Wall Street moguls ... Many "Millennials" (18-29 yr olds) see those with power as the problem. Authority is nearly synonymous with Abuse - limitation, exploitation, demeaning, insulting ... Allegiance? Hardly.
 
Which makes what Jonathan pledged to David after affirming that David would be Israel's next king seem very out of place, inappropriate, even weak. Some Biblical translations have enough trouble with it that the text seems sanitized. Here's what Jonathan really said:
 
 “Don’t be afraid,” he said. “My father Saul will not lay a hand on you. You will be king over Israel, and I will be second to you. Even my father Saul knows this.”  1 Samuel 23:17
 
A number of translations have it: I will be next to you  which is all very nice except that the meaning is to be 'second' or under one's authority. By saying, "I will be 'second' to you," Jonathan placed his relationship with David above his own personal ambition. Though legal heir to the throne Jonathan acknowledged that he was under, and willing to support, the future king's leadership.
 
How can that be? It is because there was a difference between their relationship and the role each was called to. In relationship Jonathan was David's equal. That secure connection gave Jonathan freedom to fully support, encourage and yes...be next to as well as under David's authority and oversight, recognizing that God had placed David in a position of kingly responsibility.
 
What does it take to be in a healthy relationship under authority? The key is equality. A level playing field. One is not above, over, or superior to the other in their relationship. We read that David and Jonathan made a covenant with one another. When two individuals meet eye to eye as equals there is no fear. The apostle John puts it this way, "There is no fear in Love." The principle can apply in any relationship. (marriage?) In Christ we are called to equality in relationships and to be second / next to (supportive of) the one God has appointed to lead. Especially when it's not us.
 
Ironically, they never saw one another again. Not long after, Jonathan (and Saul) died in battle. Nevertheless, Jonathan's support strengthened David in the Lord.
 
 

Friendship isn't about whom you have known the longest...
It's about who came, and never left your side...

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VISION CASTING

If King Saul had a drone it would have been searching for David. It was that serious. Saul had 3,000 troops pursuing the would-be king. "King David?" Ha! That must have sounded like mocking ridicule to the young musician appointed to sooth the Saul in his distress. Yet here he was hiding out in the woods, fearing for his life; threatened, undermined, attacked, and abused by the very man to whom he had pledged and given his loyal support. It just didn't make sense. How could the king turn on one so faithful? (1 Samuel 23)

David's situation, though more extreme, is not unlike ours. Maybe you went all out for something you believed in, hoped for, longed for ... and it all came crashing down for reasons you could not fathom or control. You worked hard, committed time, energy, resources and sacrificed - and then it happened, you were undercut, attacked, slandered by the very people for whom you gave your all. Sometimes it just creeps up on us until one day ... one day we're just tired of trying, tired of caring, tired of keeping up the appearance of having it together.

That's when Scripture records Jonathan "helped him (David) find strength in the Lord." How?

To answer that recall Gideon. I'm talking about that freaked out guy hiding in his dad's back yard. "The Angel of the Lord came and sat down under the oak (I love that detail)...where Gideon was threshing wheat, he said, 'The Lord is with you O mighty man of valor!'"

Ha! Gideon was nothing of the sort. If we didn't know the rest of the story we'd think this was Comedy Central! Listen to Gideon's response, (remember he's talking to the Angel of the Lord!) "Pardon me, but if the Lord is with us, why has all this happened to us...the Lord has abandoned us!" (Judges 6)

Oh, boy! I've had moments like that. Haven't you?

Yet the Angel of Lord encouraged him with a vision of who he could be, who he was called to be, in God's plan, a man of valor. In the same way Jonathan saw David as God saw him, "Do not fear. You will be king in Israel!" Encouragement inspires with hope and courage. It supports in the worst of times as well as the good. It builds confidence.

We help someone find strength in the Lord by casting a vision of who they are in Christ and giving them hope to grasp and live into that identity. When we do that, we are taking part in God's calling and allowing God to speak through us.

Who can you encourage today?
Where do you need encouragement? 

Who will strengthen you?

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A True Friend Gets In Your Face

Jonathan was a True Friend to David. A True Friend loves you enough to hate whatever harms you. A True Friend takes the initiative to tell you the Truth, and doesn't minimize the uncomfortable parts what ever the risks.

I wish I had known that. I had a friend once. A good friend. But I lost that relationship in part through my own failure to be a True Friend.

Jonathan faced reality.  My dad's out to kill you. Even if the 'problem' is external I can talk about the impact of that problem on me. Often we don't know or understand and certainly can't judge all the circumstances surrounding the 'problem' as clearly as Jonathan was able to do, yet still we can talk about the impact that it is having on us.

Jonathan did not minimize or spiritualize. I did both. I thought I was being understanding, forgiving, patient, even long suffering. That's spiritualizing. I ignored my feelings and withdrew. That's minimizing - telling myself that it wasn't that big a deal. Eventually it "killed" our relationship,

Jonathan took the initiative to address the problem immediately.  I faced the problem too, finally. When it blew up. It was too late. I had let too much go unspoken.

Jonathan went even though there was risk of negative consequences  As I began to be more aware of what was going on inside me I discovered that much of the real reason why I kept silent was that I was afraid of loosing my friend's approval and respect. That's the Truth. Sad Truth - I loved my own Self more than my friend.  I didn't take the risk of dealing with the issues.

I certainly hope no one is out to kill you. More, I pray that you may have the courage to tell the truth (get in your friend's face) about what's inside you and the impact that is having on you so that you may live into the fullness of True Friendship.

Can I help? Give me a call  425 - 275 - 7371

www.soundviewcoaching.com

www.soundviewministries.org

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A Valentine's Hate List

A Hate List? Really? On Valentine's Day?

Yes. Really!

Hold on a moment...What would you think of someone who hates arrogance, lying, deceit, verbal, physical or sexual abuse, embezzlement, hurting innocent people, manipulation, discrimination, cheating on one's spouse?

Would you like to meet someone like that?

OK, maybe not.

But what if I told you that person was not judgmental, is kind, gentle, and forgiving - what then?

Let me introduce you...

There are six things the Lord hates;

seven that are detestable to him:

haughty eyes,

a lying tongue,

hands that shed innocent blood,

a heart that devises wicked schemes,

feet that are quick to rush into evil,

and a man who stirs up dissension among brothers.

To love well one must be able to hate well. To hate the things that can harm a relationship, destroy friendship, "stir up dissension among brothers." True love asks, "What might harm this relationship? What can I do to make this situation better?"

Remember Jonathan & David? Jonathan hated his own father's evil enough to leave his security, take a risk, and tell David the truth.

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My Vote

Are you happy with the results of the 2012 Presidential election? Yes? No? Here's my response:

The Son is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. Colossians 1:15-17

Christ is at the center. He is the center.

Able, Enoch Noah, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob Esau, Josepth, Moses, Rahab, Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, David, Samuel...the prophets,  All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance, admitting that they were foreigners and strangers on earth. 14 People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. 15 If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. 16 Instead, they were longing for a better country—a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them. Hebrews 11:13-16

         

By faith we look for and have placed our hope in an eternal future.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. Hebrews 12:1-3

The race before US is the one that matters.

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GRACE TRUTH & TIME

As much as we anticipate the Holidays, let's face it - they can be less than Norman Rockwell perfect - especially when those events include a (fill in the blank) (difficult person) . Here are three small words that can help us during the Holidays or any time in any relationship. Grace, Truth & Time

Grace … at its core Grace extends Forgiveness.

It for the Past and takes only one…YOU.  In reality it is for you.  Not the other person.  They may never know that you have forgiven them.  In choosing to forgive, we free ourselves from “carrying them around” with us as baggage.  We allow God to be the judge and work in their lives.  It mirrors God’s grace, His unconditional love,  in forgiving us long before we even knew him.  Amazing Grace - when freely given sets us free! Free from the need to be justified, vindicated, validated, compensated. Forgiveness is giving up the need to be right.

Grace is not having to have things my way.

Truth … relates to Reconciliation. It is for the Present. It involves both parties.

You and I have heard our share of sermons exhorting us to “Speak the truth in love.” (Eph. 4:15) Good Luck! When I attempted that things blew up in my face. Even when I was attempting to speak honestly about what I believed happened. (Can you relate?) So what's the problem? Our perspective is not "THE TRUTH." The other party sees and feels things differently.

Speaking the truth to one another is: When I am honest enough to talk about what is really happening inside of me, about the impact that event / situation had on me; saying how I felt, describing what was going on inside me at the moment. As we look deeper into what is really going on inside of us we may realize that so much of our verbal response is shaped by 1) how we think the other person will react and by 2) avoiding our own fears and anxieties.

Speaking the truth in love means letting the other person know how important this relationship is to me. That it is so important I will risk being myself, being vulnerable, being teachable. It means letting the other person know what I want in (from) the relationship. Or don't want - the limits you need to set on the relationship.

So, speaking the truth in love has two parts. First, it is my responsibility to be transparent about myself. Second, the "in love" part means valuing the relationship, giving the other person a safe space to respond. In the context Paul is challenging the Ephesians to grow up in Christ! Children blame others rather than taking responsibility. Mature adults can own their issues. They are safe to be around. That's growing up in Him.

Grace and Truth together invite us out of isolation and into relationship.  The true me, as I really am, warts and all, in invited into relationship.

Time … relates to Trust, it is for the Future, and it is earned.

Trust does not happen in an instant. We learn to trust our Heavenly Father over time as he proves himself faithful over and over again. If we rush trust by demanding to be trusted, or placing our trust in someone else too quickly, we miss a step…….and growth without time is guaranteed failure. Henry Cloud affirms, "God accepts us fully, knowing that we will need time and experience to work out our imperfections.  Our failures do not surprise him.  If they surprise us, it is only because we have too high an opinion of ourselves.  We have a standing in grace that gives us freedom to achieve truth over time." (Changes That Heal, Dr. Henry Cloud, pp. 41,42)

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