Lessons From LOST

Not the show. I mean lost, as in: Really Lost.

It happened last week driving from Seattle, WA. to Princeton, NJ. After visiting friends in the Chicago area, son Daniel and I were headed out bound for Cleveland, OH in a blinding downpour. And fog. Dense fog. Driving was miserable. Nearly bumper to bumper traffic. I could barely see the cars around me. I concentrated all my senses on staying in my lane, not too close or too far from the car in front of me. Dan was asleep.

Suddenly my Bluetooth earpiece was buzzing. Back in Seattle Jane was wondering were we were. At 80 mph. you can go a long way in a couple of hours. Just as I was about to say that we were making a mad dash for Cleveland, through the slightest sliver of grey sky, I caught sight of a bright blue sign overhead informing me that I was . . . in Michigan and not far from Detroit!

In a flash I hung up the phone, woke up Daniel and took the next exit!

I was focused. I was fast. And I was faraway from our intended destination.

It is important to be Focused. It takes concentrated discipline. Until we focus and define what is most important to us we live in a fog of other-directed urgencies. But focus is simply not enough. I needed someone to come alongside and help me see what I could not see on my own.

It’s good to be Fast. Efficient. Productive. But it’s not enough. Deep, lasting satisfaction is expressed by something we call “Fulfillment.”

Fulfillment comes from arriving at a place that has long-term meaning and value. Fulfillment is not only arriving, but knowing that we are where we truly want to be. Fulfillment is beyond Focus, Balance, Success, or Productivity. Knowing the difference will determine what actions you take: those you purposefully choose to ignore or decline and the ones that will lead to a meaningful end.

Life Coaching is designed to help achieve fulfillment and help you stay focused by asking those open-ended questions that keep your eyes on the prize.

Call for a free get-acquainted session: 425-275-7317

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Baggage

     If you could snap your fingers and accomplish a dream you once had – what would that be? In my case it was the restoration of a railroad baggage wagon. It all started in the ‘70’s at Ponderosa Lodge, Mount Hermon Christian Camp where they used railroad baggage wagons to transport campers’ luggage to their cabins and as serving ‘tables’ for picnic dinners and banana split night – I wanted one of those! I’m a railroad buff. I love old trains. I play with electric trains at Christmas.
     Nearly 25 years ago I got my wish – sort of. Amtrak was trashing their rubbish. Five bucks got me four Goodrich Industrial solid rubber tires, spoked wheels, steel braces, rods and a whole bunch of heavy oak timber. Seemed like a great idea. Someday that bunch of junk would become an original early 1900’s Northern Pacific Railroad baggage wagon. We would use it in the same way Ponderosa Lodge did – for entertaining.
     It was a fun project at first. The kids put a coat of protective paint on all the wood. We made a huge mess. Then the dream died. Time passed. The dream seemed kind of silly. It was a long shot and I’d probably screw it up. It would take time away from other urgent matters. I told myself it wasn’t that important, it wasn’t practical. I let it slide into the dustbin of “someday.” Once in a while the kids would ask, “Dad, when are you going to build that baggage wagon?” Jane attempted to encourage me on. I’d move (really heavy) stuff around and think, “I really should finish this”…but it never happened. Truth is, the dream was literally gathering grime, cluttering up my garage, getting in the way.
     Until about two months ago. Our daughter Cheryl was scheduled to leave for Army boot camp. More than anything I wanted to spend some quality time with her before she left. Cheryl’s good with tools, a hard worker and had often encouraged me to finish the wagon. She agreed to work on it with me.
     Still, I wasn’t confident I could pull it off. I had no construction plans, just an idea of what it was supposed to look like. Could I figure out how it went together? Did I have all the pieces? Was I doing it right? Would Jane be upset with all the money spent if it didn’t turn out right? Would it be a waste of time?
     As the hours and the evenings passed working with Cheryl in our garage, the conversations, the sense of common purpose and connection, the growing sense of pride in our accomplishment grew. I began to realize that even if it didn’t turn out exactly as I had hoped, my original dream was becoming a part of fulfilling a much larger dream, a longing, a passion………drawing close to my kids.
     As work continued I was able to shed some of my own baggage. Four fears had held me back but when the project became part of living out my core values I could overcome those fears and move forward. The ancient cart was fully restored. It was all I had hoped for – and so much more!

It’s Your Turn –

What do you really want?
What’s holding you back? Could it be …

• Fear of Dreaming – It’s silly to think like that!
• Fear of Failure – What if I can’t finish?
• Fear of Upsetting Someone – What will “they” think or say?
• Fear of Consequences – What if I spend time and money and it doesn’t turn out?

(To see additional pictures of the restoration go to:
http://picasaweb.google.com/revted47/NorthernPacificBaggageWagonRestoration#
For best viewing click on ‘Slideshow’ just above the first picture.)

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You & I Messages

 

It’s about how adults talk to one another………

Pop Quiz – what problems can you identify in the following statements?

• Don’t get mad at me.
• Stop treating me like a child.
• You make me so mad!
• You’re not listening.
• Stop yelling!
• Why can’t you get it?

     Imagine that the conversation is between you and me. All of them say something about you – but not about me. They are “you” messages.

     “You” messages stir up defensiveness and drive us apart. “You” messages assume we know  the other person’s motives, thoughts, and feelings. Our (negative) judgments are reflected in our statements about what the other person is (or isn’t) doing.

     In reality, a difficult situation between two individuals can only be resolved in a healthy (and Biblical) way when people are able to talk about what is happening inside themselves – “I” messages. What am I feeling? What are my motives and deeper thoughts? Problem is…many times we do not know what we are feeling. We think we do. We say we do. But when challenged to identify what we are feeling at a deeper level in an uncomfortable moment we find ourselves at a loss for words.

     “I” messages require unveiled honesty with ourselves. They are a product of “walking in the light as He himself is in the light” and result in drawing us closer together – “we have fellowship with one another.” (1 Jn. 1:7 )

     How could you alter each of the statements above to become “I” messages? What might be going on inside the person making each of those statements? 

 

For example: 

• “Don’t get mad at me” might become, “I’m feeling like you are angry with me. Are you?” or “Are you upset with me?”
• Instead of “Stop treating me like a child” one might say, “Right now I feel like a little kid. I’m having a hard time acting like an adult.”

OK - your turn...

 

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It's Official! It IS the Last Minute

So what are you doing for Valentine’s?  Teddy Bears and Pajama Grams? Flowers?  A Hallmark Card?  Chocolates? (An obvious great choice!)

Whether you’re married or not, what gift could make the biggest difference in the life of someone you love? Hint: It’s not about things.

·     Words – that affirm, strengthen, and bring security.

·     Touch – especially non-sexual, comforting, reassuring, sustaining touch.

·     Present-ness - Really being there in the moment, fully present, fully attentive to the other person. Listening “with” not simply listening “to.” (while thinking about our response) Being present takes time, but it’s not about the time; rather about being connected.

Powerful suggestions, but I’ll go one step further. The deepest and most enduring longing of my heart and yours is to be fully known and fully loved. It is a God-given need. In spite of our faults we gain strength when we are valued and treasured. Though inadequate, we need assurance that we matter; that we are making a difference; that we are protected. When threatened we need security.

The greatest gift I can give the one I love is to become a safe place for her to be fully known and fully loved.

How do I know I’m right? Because I have experienced it in the one who loves me.  Thank you, hon…    And through her, I have come to know more fully the one who has loved me from Eternity past. Thank you, Father.

“We love because he first loved us!”  1 John 4:19

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Finishers

     Some time ago a PBS special, The Boomer Century: 1946-2046 reported an amazing finding – 4 out of 5 boomers intend to keep working and earning in retirement and 50% of all boomers plan to launch into an entirely new job or career!
     Events of the last several years have forced many to adjust their thinking. The challenges of the economic downturn necessitate a fresh approach to retirement. Chances are even greater now that boomers are contemplating something different.
    Which demands the question: What are you going to do with the rest of your life that really matters? For Eternity?
    Finishers is one answer to that question. Founder Nelson Malwitz is typical of the boomer generation. As a chemical engineer Malwitz left the corporate marketplace several years ago eager to connect with a mission project. Traditional mission agencies didn’t know what to do with him. Nelson created FinishersProject – Your bridge to a Global Impact to facilitate fully trained, experienced boomers an opportunity to invest the latter years of their lives – their best years – short term, part time or 2nd career – for Christ and His Kingdom.
     What will you do?

    What are you doing right now to move in that direction?

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If It Ain't Broke...

    Murphy’s Law: If it ain’t broke . . . it will be soon!

    Oh, Oh! That little red “engine” light in the Honda came on. Should we take it in? It’s such a hassle. Besides it’s probably no big deal. Wrong! Fortunately Jane, being the more cautious, drove to our mechanic. His verdict? “Good thing you got it in here right away or you’d be looking at a whole new engine.”
    During Christmas break our daughter Heather spent her birthday in the dentist’s chair. But the filling preempted a root canal.
    With all the freezing temperatures one plumbing company’s ad said, “Call us for a check up. Or call us with an emergency. It’s your choice!”
    Whether it’s pipes, the roof, or new tires vs. a flat on the freeway we all recognize that without proper maintenance things fall apart. It’s either “prevent ative” maintenance or “deferred” maintenance and as every home owner discovers – the longer we put it off, the greater the problem, the greater the cost!
    But it’s not just things that fall apart. Without adequate maintenance WE fall apart. Too often I find myself minimizing or rationalizing the ‘cavity’ – that empty place that needs attention.
    Historically the word ‘maintenance’ comes from the root ‘keeping in being.’
    Medically that entails keeping a patient in stable condition, or continuing good health practices. Computer Programmers are correcting faults in an application, improving performance or adapting a program to a changing environment. Lawyers talk of the ability to provide basic, necessary material support. To financial planners it means actions that bring an asset to its full potential.
    What are you doing to “keep in being?” No, not just a post-Christmas diet or a trip to the club, what about the deeper, ‘inside’ areas that need attention and care? Life balance (stability); Communication (good health practices); Personal Goals (improved performance); Staying Focused (nessary); Fulfillment (full potential) :
    What would maintenance in those areas look like? What will you do to avoid a ‘root-canal’ emergency?

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Keep New Year's Resolutions?

     It’s no secret that most of us don’t keep our New Year’s Resolutions. If we bother to make them. Only about 19% of people who make resolutions keep them as long as two years according to John Norcross, psychology professor at University of Scranton, PA.

     That’s the bad news. The good news is that you are 10X time more likely to make a positive change in your life if you do make a New Year’s Resolution! Of those who do, 46% keep them at least six months.
     So what separates those who keep their good intentions from those who fail? Perhaps surprisingly, the answer is not will power, trying harder or being more disciplined. (Which doesn’t work for becoming a better Christian either!)
     Those who are successful at accomplishing a goal or changing a behavior pattern have at least three of these things in common. They:
     1. Make specific, concrete action plans to change their daily behavior, setting a time, place, date by which to accomplish goals.
     2. Celebrate bite-sized accomplishments. Professor Howard Hendricks challenged his students, “Make it a habit once a day to say ‘No!’ to something you want but do not need.”
     3. Get a little help from their friends. They keep on track by checking in daily or weekly with supportive people who care by calling them if they fail to check in.
     4. Announce their intentions. Publish goals on Facebook, email friends, put it in a blog. Up the ante by letting others in on resolutions. They give themselves some external relational motivation to follow through.
     5. Be honest about attachment to bad habits. What are they doing that sabotages their goal? Saving “stuff” that might come in handy some day? (Thrift vs. Clutter); “Researching” – gathering more and more information without acting on it? (Surfing vs. Studying); Putting it off until the “right time”? (Sensitivity or . . . )
     6. Expect setbacks. Mistakes and failure are part of developing a new habit. Those who continue to fail blame themselves and feel like a failure while those who succeed recognize failure as inevitable and quickly get back on track.

     Let’s make it personal: What would you like to accomplish in 2010?

     Here’s a shameless self-promotional plug: Get some help from an experienced Life Coach. Ted Hutchinson! Call me to schedule a free introductory coaching session. (425) 275 – 7371. You’ll love it. Even if you decide it’s not for you right now, you’ll be more motivated and you’ll tell someone else about me. That’s a win-win for both of us! And a blessed New Year!

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