When Honesty Isn't The Best Policy...

     True Confessions: My last blog Lies, Damned Lies and the ones Christians tell... generated more feedback than any I’ve ever written. Much of it had to do with the difficulty of really being honest. Some said it’s impossible. Others didn’t think it’s such a good idea in some circumstances. So, here’s a multiple choice quiz. What do you think?     
    Honest isn’t the best policy when
        a. I am attacked in return.
        b. It causes conflict (better to maintain the peace).
        c. The message would be harmful.
        d. The consequences would be hurtful.
        e. Nothing’s going to change anyway.
        f. No one supports me. I am alone.
        g. Other:______________________
    Ok, let’s admit it. There are times when honesty doesn’t seem like the right thing. Too often it backfires. We become the object of attack. It becomes our fault. That hurts. Other times it seems to invite conflict. Better to let sleeping dogs lie. (yes, pun intended) It seems like whenever we try to be really honest – somebody gets hurt. It isn’t worth it.
    More true confessions, I struggle with honesty too. Much of my hiding (dishonesty) has been due to fear of being hurt in some way. . .you won’t like me or think well of me. Maybe I am afraid that you will turn it back on me; that I’ll be the bad guy. Sometimes I just don’t know what to say. It seems wiser not to say anything.
    Lies - of any size - are told to protect someone. Is it ourselves or someone else? Hiding separates. Truth can separate too – it can hurt (see c. above) but let’s save that for next time.
   Here are some things I’m learning:
        1. Listen. First.
        2. “I” messages vs. “You” messages. What I am feeling (“I” messages), not what the other person is doing (“You” messages) Discerning what’s behind my immediate reaction may take time, effort and help.
        3. Time and place matter. Texting probably isn’t the best medium for ‘honesty’ that involves confrontation.
        4. I don’t have to say everything I’m thinking in the moment!

What do you think? I’d love to hear your response –