When The Truth Hurts...

     Speak the truth. It’s easier said than done. People can get hurt. Sometimes I feel like there’s more to lose than there is to gain. Do I have the right to speak into someone’s life? (and what does that mean?) Telling the truth isn’t always as simple as it seems, is it?
     Mentor and pastor Len Sunukjian* has reminded me of two guiding biblical principles. First, there is a difference between lying (deception) and not saying everything I think or feel. At one point in his ministry Jesus tells his disciples. "I have many more things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now.”(John 16:12) Second, will my comments be “helpful for building others up according to their needs that it may benefit those who listen?” (Eph. 4:29)
     There is a time to refrain from speaking, and a time to engage. The determining factor? In both passages it is the need of the listener that informs and governs what is said.
     Sometimes my “need” gets in the way. There is a tension between the fear of saying something that results in my feeling hurt or rejected and a compassion for the other person not being hurt or feeling rejected. Am I being honest with myself about which it is?
     What is the need of the hearer? Throughout Scripture, growth toward maturity requires three things: Grace, Truth and Time. Though our Lord held back because his disciples were not yet ready, in the next breath Christ promised the Holy Spirit would lead them to the truth. (vs. 17) It was grace that allowed him to hold back, to allow someone else (the Holy Spirit) to guide them into the truth at the right time. Who else might God use to speak into that person’s life?
     On the other hand there is a time to speak up. Paul’s challenge to the Ephesians is, “for building others up according to the need of the moment,” or as RSV translates it, “…as fits the occasion, that it may benefit.” Truth builds – it does no harm. Truth that benefits moves us out of our comfort zone. Nearly always a corrective word – even spoken in love - hurts. It does not harm.
     We are called to speak the Truth with Grace – and give each other Time. Time to change. Time to heal.