Who's On Your Christmas List?

7:15 a.m. I’m walking with Cooper, passing kids headed to school. “Good Morning!” Blank stares. “Morning!” Blank stares. “Hi!” Blank stares. Passing a woman, “Good Morning,” no response…staring straight ahead. I don’t exist. Got me thinking about “connecting” – or not. Especially during the Holidays.

Finding genuine connection and intimacy is one of the most common themes our clients bring to coaching. Someone has said “the search for intimacy is the lonely quest of the human heart.” Connecting with another individual at a deep level is an inborn, God-created need first experienced as we were cradled in our mother’s arms. We never outgrow its power to impart to us meaning, worth and value.

Interpersonal closeness is not as widespread as you might think. Individuals learn to adjust to little meaningful emotional interaction. It becomes ‘normal.’ Society encourages uniqueness and independence and teaches us to fend off others’ attempts to draw close. It can be easier to experience closeness with a pet than to the person we live with. What’s missing?

It’s easy to believe that if we could simply find the right person, a soul mate or a kindred spirit then we will be connected, satisfied, filled up by that friendship. Good Luck! Satisfying connections are not merely the chance meeting of similar personalities, interests, or life styles. Intimacy, that sense of being fully known, unconditionally loved, is nurtured by behavior that secures our individual safety in a relationship.

Seven things you can do…

• Know Thyself – What are you feeling? What do you want? What do you need?
• Speak the Truth – State what you want or need, simply, clearly, specifically.
• Feelings Allowed – Ask the other person, “What are you feeling? (or needing) Stop telling them what they are feeling, needing, doing, need to do.
• Like It or Not! – Answer ‘Yes’ or ‘No.’ Accept the other person’s ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ without judgment.
• Be Quiet – Listen. Without Judging.
• Level The Playing Field – Refuse to be “one up” or “one down”
• Get Over It – Offer & Receive Forgiveness

Over the next few weeks we will take a look at each of these habits that will transform your relationships. Why not get a head start? Make a Christmas list of the people you most want to connect with.