Lies, Damned Lies And The Ones Christians Tell...

…they were both naked and they were not ashamed… Genesis 2:25

     Would you lie to me? Would you lie to your spouse, a friend at work or church? Come on now be honest. Would you?
     I’m not talking about some big Bernie Madoff lie or what you’d expect from a used car salesman – or politician. No, I’m talking about the fibs – little white lies that ‘facilitate’ relationships.
     Five dreaded words: “How do I look, Honey?” Tell your wife she’s putting on a few pounds and see how that heats up the bedroom, right?
     One guy claimed, “I always tell the truth … in bits and pieces.”
     A woman confessed that as a newlywed she dumped take-out meals into pots on the stove before her husband came home from work.
     Then there’s the old new-Nordstrom’s-outfit-in-a-drycleaner’s-plastic-bag trick. Or “I’ll be working late this evening,” to hide a night out with buddies, sneak a ballgame or dinner with an attractive coworker.
     We fib to avoid conflict. To gain approval. To be kind. To save face. Because he feels judged, she feels criticized.
     And everywhere there is approval. “Fibs help us protect the ones we love.” “Go along to get along.” “If you don’t fib, you don’t live,” says one psychologist. “It’s a matter of survival.”
     Even at church giving offence may be a greater sin than not telling the truth. Big lies are told by silence. Lies that suppress honest responses, genuine feelings, necessary confrontation.
     The message: Sometimes lies – at least little ones – can help our relationships.
     That is a lie. Lies verbalized or lies of silence hide something. Hiding separates.
     And what is being covered over? Not the thing itself really but the feelings inside ourselves if we were to disclose the truth. We protect ourselves from embarrassment, hurt or abandonment. We suppress feelings of being small, foolish or insignificant. Then pretense replaces presence. We cannot be ourselves. We cannot be there for the other person.
     As that big liar, King David, came to see so clearly: telling the truth is the beginning of building a safe place to belong.

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Search me O God and know my heart: Try me and know my anxious thoughts: See if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Ps. 139: 23, 24

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