Black Friday!

     It's almost Black Friday! Time to max out those credit cards! Then get back to work & pay for it. Ah, but wait.... so here’s an assignment, ask yourself: “How would I spend my time if I did not need money?” Let’s imagine it happened; you stopped needing money, you were absorbed in doing the things you are passionate about. Go ahead, think about it. It’s OK if you want to keep reading, but I challenge you to come back to the question. Work on it, respond to it. If you suddenly realized that you didn’t need the money – how would your life be different?
     It’s a curious thing—but true—that by refusing to be obsessed with the need for money we move in the direction of fulfilling our goals and dreams. When we work for money rather than the joy or challenge that work brings and the contribution we can make we lose touch with our deeper needs, longings and desires.
     When we recall how often our Lord reminded his disciples that our Heavenly Father cares even for the lilies of the field and the birds of the air – who “neither toil nor spin,” how he multiplied the loaves and fish, how he taught them to pray, “…give us this day our daily bread…” can we see in that the unqualified release from the tyranny of the urgent?

     Are you stuck where you are? What would it take for you to break free? What other ways could you manage what you have now? How much do you really need?

“In all toil there is profit” (Prov.14:23 RSV)
What kind of “profit” are you enjoying from your work?

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When The Truth Hurts...

     Speak the truth. It’s easier said than done. People can get hurt. Sometimes I feel like there’s more to lose than there is to gain. Do I have the right to speak into someone’s life? (and what does that mean?) Telling the truth isn’t always as simple as it seems, is it?
     Mentor and pastor Len Sunukjian* has reminded me of two guiding biblical principles. First, there is a difference between lying (deception) and not saying everything I think or feel. At one point in his ministry Jesus tells his disciples. "I have many more things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now.”(John 16:12) Second, will my comments be “helpful for building others up according to their needs that it may benefit those who listen?” (Eph. 4:29)
     There is a time to refrain from speaking, and a time to engage. The determining factor? In both passages it is the need of the listener that informs and governs what is said.
     Sometimes my “need” gets in the way. There is a tension between the fear of saying something that results in my feeling hurt or rejected and a compassion for the other person not being hurt or feeling rejected. Am I being honest with myself about which it is?
     What is the need of the hearer? Throughout Scripture, growth toward maturity requires three things: Grace, Truth and Time. Though our Lord held back because his disciples were not yet ready, in the next breath Christ promised the Holy Spirit would lead them to the truth. (vs. 17) It was grace that allowed him to hold back, to allow someone else (the Holy Spirit) to guide them into the truth at the right time. Who else might God use to speak into that person’s life?
     On the other hand there is a time to speak up. Paul’s challenge to the Ephesians is, “for building others up according to the need of the moment,” or as RSV translates it, “…as fits the occasion, that it may benefit.” Truth builds – it does no harm. Truth that benefits moves us out of our comfort zone. Nearly always a corrective word – even spoken in love - hurts. It does not harm.
     We are called to speak the Truth with Grace – and give each other Time. Time to change. Time to heal.

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When Honesty Isn't The Best Policy...

     True Confessions: My last blog Lies, Damned Lies and the ones Christians tell... generated more feedback than any I’ve ever written. Much of it had to do with the difficulty of really being honest. Some said it’s impossible. Others didn’t think it’s such a good idea in some circumstances. So, here’s a multiple choice quiz. What do you think?     
    Honest isn’t the best policy when
        a. I am attacked in return.
        b. It causes conflict (better to maintain the peace).
        c. The message would be harmful.
        d. The consequences would be hurtful.
        e. Nothing’s going to change anyway.
        f. No one supports me. I am alone.
        g. Other:______________________
    Ok, let’s admit it. There are times when honesty doesn’t seem like the right thing. Too often it backfires. We become the object of attack. It becomes our fault. That hurts. Other times it seems to invite conflict. Better to let sleeping dogs lie. (yes, pun intended) It seems like whenever we try to be really honest – somebody gets hurt. It isn’t worth it.
    More true confessions, I struggle with honesty too. Much of my hiding (dishonesty) has been due to fear of being hurt in some way. . .you won’t like me or think well of me. Maybe I am afraid that you will turn it back on me; that I’ll be the bad guy. Sometimes I just don’t know what to say. It seems wiser not to say anything.
    Lies - of any size - are told to protect someone. Is it ourselves or someone else? Hiding separates. Truth can separate too – it can hurt (see c. above) but let’s save that for next time.
   Here are some things I’m learning:
        1. Listen. First.
        2. “I” messages vs. “You” messages. What I am feeling (“I” messages), not what the other person is doing (“You” messages) Discerning what’s behind my immediate reaction may take time, effort and help.
        3. Time and place matter. Texting probably isn’t the best medium for ‘honesty’ that involves confrontation.
        4. I don’t have to say everything I’m thinking in the moment!

What do you think? I’d love to hear your response –

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