It's So Much More Friendly With Two! - A.A. Milne

This week is the birthday of several dear friends. One of them was named Donna. When I think of this friend, I think of words like sweet, sunny, dimples, thoughtful, fun, laughter, courage, tenderhearted, competitive, beloved.

Donna would have been 61this week. I say “would have been” because her life was cut short just before her 20^th birthday. She was born with a lung disorder later identified as Cystic Fibrosis. It is a cruel disease. It limited her severely. She wasn’t able to play outside with us other kids as long as she would have liked. She loved to laugh, but often had that cut short by violent bursts of coughing due to her lung congestion. I always hated it when that happened!

We loved to play games together and got very competitive. I hated to lose; so did she!  We both loved words, and depending on who was the “teacher” when we played school, we would give the “student” a challenging spelling test. Words can be weapons, too, and we had our share of “word fights…….” Each trying to get in the “last word.” One time, she actually bit me in an effort to shut me down and win!

I cannot think of a person who was Donna’s enemy. She handled her disease with grace and poise, sewing her own clothes that would best fit her awkward body build. It was very common back in the 1950’s for children with CF to look malnourished, with thin legs and arms and a distended tummy. She measured just 4’10”. But for me, I remember her bright eyes, dimples, cheery smile, and alert mind. They always became the focus when we were together.  

So this week I honor the memory of a “little person” who made me feel alive and more appreciative of every day of my own life. She had a deep, abiding faith in God and His goodness.  She did not fight that He had allowed her to be born with CF. She was always more concerned about the others around her who suffered because they loved her so much.

It would have been a joy and privilege to have shared the rest of life here on earth with Donna.  She would have been one of my “safe” people. Perhaps you would have known her and been blessed by who she was, too.

She was my "little" sister.

Donna Ruth Miller   

March 27, 1951-December 1, 1970

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Got Grace?

Where and how have you known Grace in a relationship?

We believe we're generous in extolling God's Grace. I've never met a Christian who wasn't in favor of it (though some might aver there's too much of it floating around).  Still, too many have been deeply wounded by those who use the language of grace.

If someone were to be gracious to you what would you experience?

This much I know, Grace does not excuse or overlook bad behavior, poor choices...sin. At the same time, Grace does not shame, blame, judge or condemn. It does not control. How is that possible?

Grace refrained from telling me what I should do or condemning me for what I didn't do. Rather it shed light on what I could do and who I could become. Grace looked at my need rather than focusing on my failure. It did not minimize my hurt. Grace offered a safe place to bring into the light what was really happening inside me - what I was really feeling, experiencing - things that under condemnation, or because of shame I could not admit before. When those things came to light Grace helped me find a new path, a new way of thinking, to hear new messages of life and hope.

Grace valued me. My needs. It helped me uncover the root causes - wounds, habits, messages and imprints that shaped my behavior. Grace acknowledged my desires, my longings. It granted a safe place to recover and heal. Grace waited patiently. Gave me Time to uncover and discover what was really going on inside. Grace expressed empathy, leveled the playing field, shared hope and helped me live in reality. People through whom and with whom I experience grace frequently share insights from their own growth process that gave me hope and direction.

What is Grace?

Grace is resisting the impulse to fix someone (control), to know what is best for them (judgment & condemnation). Grace validates another's worth by valuing their needs, providing a safe place to reveal what is hidden, and the time to develop new habits, thinking and feelings.

There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus ... 

For what the Law could not do ... God did sending His own Son... 

Romans 8:1, 3ff.

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